Life is strange when it comes to all matters of self-pleasure.​ I mean, literally everyone in the world does it.​ But the thing is, everyone’s experience is so personal and unique, it’s often something that’s just kept as a private secret.​ As the saying goes, “everyone does it but nobody talks about it”.​ But here I am, about to tell you my own secret.​ A story about the fantastical, hilarious, and sometimes downright embarrassing, journey of homegrown straight male masturbation.​

It started when I was a young teenage boy.​ I was always such an awkward, tech-nerd.​ I didn’t look like the other boys, talk like them, or enjoy the same things.​ I had no clue what sex was, let alone masturbation.​ But I’d heard rumors, so if I found myself in the bathroom at the right moment, there was a chance I might just find out.​

So I did it, embarrassed, awkward, and as much as it felt like a crime, I figured it was better than nothing.​ I mean, I could barely even figure out how to do it, let alone where I was supposed to be doing it! I thought for sure I was going to get caught.​

In those early days, I got better and better at it, technique-wise.​ Do I use two hands, one, or three? What posture? Legs sku to the side? Flexing or not flexing? Should I talk dirty? All these questions rolled around my mind like a crazy pinball game, and the answers often exploded with orgasms.​

The more I did it, the more I questioned my technique.​ I experimented with speed, intensity, patterns, all to try and find something that was better and more enjoyable.​ Yet, then come the dreaded moments of immediate disappointment.​ That moment after you’ve just experienced all of that pleasure, when you sink with regret and depression.​ From there it got easier.​

I learned that the main key to good masturbation is variety.​ It’s like eating: everything in moderation.​ I found that sex toys, audio and visual pornography, fantasy and creative visualisation can all be succesful tools for self-pleasure.​ I even learned how to properly “edge” during my sessions.​ It didn’t take long and I felt like I had the whole thing in hand, so to speak.​ I could make myself feel an incredible sense of pleasure, and would sometimes make it through an entire session without wanting to shut up shop afterwards.​

Talking about my masturbation experience with friends made things different too.​ Chatting about things openly feels quite empowering and can really boost our confidence in our practices and technique.​ Talking about it with the right people, friends who open and not judgmental, can also increase our trust with each other and lead us to feel more bonded with our pals.​

Getting older, I had less free time to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, so I decided to learn how to multitask.​ I learned how to pleasurably drive home from work using my car.​ I’d adjust my seat till I was comfortable and just ride the waves of pleasure.​ It was more of a surprise than anything, but it was certainly something worth exploring.​ Additionally, I also experimented with incorporating my imagination and roleplaying in the car; I’d pick clear locations in my car to focus on and sex dolls build stories about the “characters” in my environment.​

Eventually, I even experimented with multitasking at work.​ I’d be able to sneak some subtle movements while at my desk, and although the subtlety was sometimes lost on visitors, it certainly gave me an extra dose of enthusiasm throughout the day.​

My journey into homegrown straight male masturbation has been a long one, filled with mystery, confusion, delight, and wobbles.​ Although awkward to begin with, the more I created my own style of practice, the more confident and liberated I felt.​ I’m a firm believer in “everyone does it”, so let’s make sure to continue to respect our journey of self-pleasure, whatever it may be.​